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When you persistently feel that you're bad or wrong There’s a feeling many of us have that can be hard to put into words. It's not just “I made a mistake.” And not even “I’m not good enough.” This feeling is deeper, quieter, and more painful. It comes from the thought that “ There’s something wrong with me .” For many people, this feeling sits just under the surface. It can show up in social situations, in relationships, at work, or simply in the way we talk to ourselves. We

Social anxiety, drinking, and the pressure to fit in For many people with social anxiety, alcohol can be a coping mechanism: A drink before a party may help to quieten the nervous system; two drinks might soften self-consciousness; a few more and conversation starts to flow more easily... In the moment, it can feel like alcohol is helping: it takes the edge off and alleviates the fear of being seen. But over time, this coping strategy can quietly become a pattern or a problem

Many LGBTQ+ / queer people grow up learning, either subtly or not so subtly, that we are "wrong". Even if we find acceptance in our families, schools and friendship groups, the wider societal messaging is still strong: being cis gender and/or heterosexual is "normal", anything else is not. Over time, we internalise this and we adapt to keep ourselves safe. We may learn to: monitor how we speak or move scan the room to judge how we'll be received edit ourselves depending who

When our nervous system learns to be careful around other people If you live with social anxiety, it probably shows up in very specific ways. Maybe you: Replay conversations long after they’ve ended Worry you said too much, or not enough and want to go back and do it better Scan people's faces or body language for signs you’ve been judged or rejected Feel your heart beating fast and your face getting hot when speaking in a group Avoid events and stay at home instead. It can f

Understanding self-esteem through a trauma-informed lens If you struggle with your self-esteem, it can feel deeply personal and often shameful You can feel like there is something fundamentally wrong or flawed about you. You have probably learned to live with an inner voice that criticises you often; that tells you all the ways in which you are wrong . This voice can sound very convincing. But... I'd gently invite you to consider: What if this voice wasn't really yours? What